Awards From Yesterday's Congressional Hearing

Best Use of Racial Sensitivity: "This gave new meaning to the term, 'lynching.'" - Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA) in reference to the hard questions Clemens had to face.

Best Use of Limited Time For Questioning: "A colleague of mine, Mr. Capuano of Massachusetts, wants to know what uniform you're going to wear to the Hall of Fame." - Rep. William Lacy Clay (D-MO), and you can imagine who this question was directed towards.

Not As Cool As You Would Think Award: This party at Jose Canseco's house does not seem as awesome as the headlines would have you believe. I was predicting a real steroid orgy, but it seems like it was more of a G-Rated affair.

Most inappropriate time for joking in the Andy Pettite Affidavit: Pettite is asked whether he knew if Brian McNamee was receiving HGH from Mets attendant Kirk Radomski. "I know he didn't tell me he got it from a Mets clubhouse trainer," Pettite says. "Because I know if he had told me that, I would never have done it." Attorney Thomas J. Farrell responds, "Or a Red Sox trainer either." Pettite seems totally caught off-guard - "Right. Yeah," he says.

Best Use of Patriotism To Dodge A Question: "When the commissioner asked me to get myself together to go out there and the league asked me to put U.S.A. on my chest and represent my team, my country, I did everything I could to get ready. I pushed my date up, tried to get me ready sooner. I told them I could shake hands, wave flags and sell tickets for you if you want to do that. But if you want me on the field, it's gonna take me longer to get this body going. And I did it. I went out there and did the best I could possibly do and I was proud to have U.S.A. on my chest." - Roger Clemens, and I think the question was pertaining to whether he turned down the opportunity to respond to the allegations in the Mitchell report prior to its release. (Watch the video). I'm sure that played well with the Republicans.

Most Absolute Total Badass: Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Ca), who kept things on track, shut down Clemens' lawyers when they tried to speak, kept everyone to their time limits, and even told Clemens, "This is not your time to argue with me" during his closing remarks.